Names?

At what point do you start picking out names for a baby? Like most parents (until at least their 20 week appointment anyway) we are clueless as to what gender we will be blessed with.  I have a few name ideas picked out for either gender, some the hubs is on board with, some not but I can't make myself to commit to one. With an open adoption, some birth mothers want input on the name and have their own ideas concerning that whole process.  Do we have to keep the name the birth mother picked out? Are we horrible if we change the name once the adoption is finalized and we are listed as the parents on the birth certificate? What happens if we don't like the name she picked out? I'm completely at a loss as to how to navigate this tricky, tricky path. Depending on how this adoption process goes, we may not decide to do another one; what if one shot is all I get? I don't want to make the birth mother feel insignificant or that she doesn't have a place in the child's life (because she will be a huge part), but I also long to do what every natural parent does. 

I've come to the conclusion with this, and many other aspects of the adoption, that it will be very hard for me to give up as much control as I will be forced to do.  Understandably the process needs to be comfortable for both parties but it's hard determine where that line will be.  I can only hope that the birth mother that finally picks us will mesh with our personalities and we'll mutually find the right way for all people involved.  That would be my wish. 

Waiting and Waiting

So, no surprise here . . .  we're still waiting.  Some days it seems like we went through all this intense work and paid out a lot of money to wait for a call that will never come.  Is that normal? I'm constantly tied to my cell phone "just in case" and the emails get checked constantly.  Whenever it buzzes or makes the notification sound I pounce on it like a rabid monkey, I swear.  However, in the back of my mind, I have this voice nagging at me that it doesn't matter because no one is going to call anyway.  We're not the first picks on anyone's list so why not just leave everything behind for a weekend and not worry about missing a call or message.  Our adoption agency made very sure to inform us that if we cannot be reached when someone has picked us then they will move on to the next couple.  And that is fair.  I totally agree with that as it's not fair to all of the other waiting couples or to the birth mother who is going through one of the hardest decisions of her life.  However, I'm just not convinced I'll ever be the first choice to be called.  We've been active with our agency for about 10 months now, it will be a year in October and not a whole lot has changed.  We've expanded our profile to include children of African American descent where we hadn't before.  The hubs said he was either growing up or "gave less of a shit" than he did previously so we made the change last month.  While neither of us are even remotely racist, I think he was having a hard time figuring out how he was going to handle the ramifications of what our child could go through if they are that much different from us.  He is such a caring and empathetic person that I know he would be heart broken and angry at the same time if someone was telling his child he/she was not meant to be with our family, or that they were too different, or whatever else mean things kids say these days.   We are both ready to be parents though and it's hard waiting.  We have our impending move the States looming close, closer than I would like, and I'm hoping things go smoothly and we're able to get settled in to a house quickly when we get to Las Vegas.  Our adoption specialist says that our profile is getting great exposure and that it will only improve when we get stateside.  I understand that people are hesitant about placing children with military overseas, but it still bums me out.  My mom is convinced it could happen this year because my little sister had a baby about a month ago and we tend to do major things in the same year.  I'm keeping myself cautiously optimistic I guess.  It  would be nice but I can't see it happening right away. 

Anyway, that's all the news for now. I just needed to get some thoughts out before I went a bit bonkers.  Things will come together, I just have to have faith and patience.  2 things I'm usually lacking. :)

Planning Is Hard

Planning for a baby during an open adoption is very tricky.  You want to be prepared for when you finally get the call, but you also don't want to go all out with clothes, furniture and decoration.  At least I don't.  The problem is that with the move coming up and the unknown of when we'll be able to come home with a baby makes me hesitant to put a nursery together.  In our mounds of agency paperwork we've had to read through, they mention that some people prefer to get the nursery done and set up while having all the clothes, bottles, diapers, wipes, etc. that one would need right away. For some people it's just to hard to see an empty nursery so they prefer to wait until they are matched.  I'm kind of in between.  I have a few clothes that are washed and will work while we are in the states for a few days.  I have some wipes, oil and baby wash (thanks to my sister) and a few other things.  We have a crib, but no mattress.  I psycho planner in me would like to have everything ready to go at the drop of a hat, but I'm just to hesitant.  I keep telling myself it's because when we get to Las Vegas it will be easier to set up a nursery/baby room/whatever.  That's utter crap. Many women set up their nurseries from here by using several different methods (e.g. what you can't find at the BX you find on the economy or online.)

Once we get Stateside it will be a little bit easier, I think, to be able to set things up and get some stuff ready to go.  We'll be living in a rental house until we find a house we want to buy.  So even until then I may not go crazy with decorating a bed room, but we'll see. I'd like to think I'd spruce it up at least a little bit but sometimes I have these grand ideas and then when it comes to execution I'm like, "Hmm, that's a lot of work." LOL.

Other than that, things are going well.  I've sent off our fingerprints to the FBI for analysis.  I've got my physical report done and now we're waiting on David's.  I think those and the fingerprints are the last things we'll need to do as far as updating paperwork.  In a few months I'll have to contact an agency in Las Vegas that will help us start a new home study for when when we move.  I'm hoping it's not another 40 page questionnaire to fill out but I'm sure it will be.

Updated Paperwork Is A Drag!

Since it's been a year since we've started our paperwork process, it's time to redo them all! Some states require documents that are current within 1 year so we are back at the grind doing fingerprints, background checks and medical visits.  It's time consuming and a hassle but it has to be done.  I'm hoping that once we get to Las Vegas things will start to pick up.  Oh, and if this is the first time you're reading this, we're going to Las Vegas! :) The hubs got his assignment last month and we will be PCSing to Nevada sometime in October as it stands right now. Our adoption agency seems to think that things might pick up for us in regards to profile exposure when we get stateside so here's hoping! :)

Anyway, it's been a while and I'm horrible about this but I just wanted to do a quick update. We're still hanging in there and keeping our spirits high that it will happen soon.  Thanks for all your continued support and warm thoughts!  One day soon, we'll have our long awaited for little one in our arms ♥

Impending Move

We are scheduled to leave Germany by October and as of yet we don't know where we'll be going next.  The overseas listings should be out next month and we're hoping to get Italy.  I'd really like to think that our chances are increased by the fact we're already here in Europe so it would be cheaper to move us from Germany to Italy than back to the States. That's the prevailing theory anyways.  It all remains to be seen whether there will actually be a spot open in Italy for David to fill.  If we don't know by March then we'll see what comes out on the Stateside listing released in April.  If we do go back Stateside I really hope we get to go back to Mountain Home.  I know, we were already there, but it's the closest base to our family and it would be awesome for when we finally get to have our kiddo. Especially since my sister is pregnant and due in July, the babies won't be that far apart in age.  At least that's what I'm hoping.  If everything falls in to place like I want it to, we'd be matched by March, baby due in May/June time frame, adoption finalized by the time we leave or shortly after we get home.  I know that's hoping for an awful lot and it's probably not going to happen that way, but I can dream, can't I? Just like I can dream that we'll go to Italy, spend another 3 years over here making awesome memories with our child and eating a metric ton of fan-freaking-tastic pasta.  It's the small things in life, ya know? :)

Anyway, as you can probably guess, nothing much has changed.  We are still waiting.  There was an email last month regarding a birth mother but everything was so far outside our budget that we couldn't make work.  Other than that, no real news on the adoption front.  As soon as there is though, I'll keep you posted.  As soon as I know where we'll be going next I'll make a post about that one too.  I'm guessing that one will be first :)