Names?

At what point do you start picking out names for a baby? Like most parents (until at least their 20 week appointment anyway) we are clueless as to what gender we will be blessed with.  I have a few name ideas picked out for either gender, some the hubs is on board with, some not but I can't make myself to commit to one. With an open adoption, some birth mothers want input on the name and have their own ideas concerning that whole process.  Do we have to keep the name the birth mother picked out? Are we horrible if we change the name once the adoption is finalized and we are listed as the parents on the birth certificate? What happens if we don't like the name she picked out? I'm completely at a loss as to how to navigate this tricky, tricky path. Depending on how this adoption process goes, we may not decide to do another one; what if one shot is all I get? I don't want to make the birth mother feel insignificant or that she doesn't have a place in the child's life (because she will be a huge part), but I also long to do what every natural parent does. 

I've come to the conclusion with this, and many other aspects of the adoption, that it will be very hard for me to give up as much control as I will be forced to do.  Understandably the process needs to be comfortable for both parties but it's hard determine where that line will be.  I can only hope that the birth mother that finally picks us will mesh with our personalities and we'll mutually find the right way for all people involved.  That would be my wish. 

Waiting and Waiting

So, no surprise here . . .  we're still waiting.  Some days it seems like we went through all this intense work and paid out a lot of money to wait for a call that will never come.  Is that normal? I'm constantly tied to my cell phone "just in case" and the emails get checked constantly.  Whenever it buzzes or makes the notification sound I pounce on it like a rabid monkey, I swear.  However, in the back of my mind, I have this voice nagging at me that it doesn't matter because no one is going to call anyway.  We're not the first picks on anyone's list so why not just leave everything behind for a weekend and not worry about missing a call or message.  Our adoption agency made very sure to inform us that if we cannot be reached when someone has picked us then they will move on to the next couple.  And that is fair.  I totally agree with that as it's not fair to all of the other waiting couples or to the birth mother who is going through one of the hardest decisions of her life.  However, I'm just not convinced I'll ever be the first choice to be called.  We've been active with our agency for about 10 months now, it will be a year in October and not a whole lot has changed.  We've expanded our profile to include children of African American descent where we hadn't before.  The hubs said he was either growing up or "gave less of a shit" than he did previously so we made the change last month.  While neither of us are even remotely racist, I think he was having a hard time figuring out how he was going to handle the ramifications of what our child could go through if they are that much different from us.  He is such a caring and empathetic person that I know he would be heart broken and angry at the same time if someone was telling his child he/she was not meant to be with our family, or that they were too different, or whatever else mean things kids say these days.   We are both ready to be parents though and it's hard waiting.  We have our impending move the States looming close, closer than I would like, and I'm hoping things go smoothly and we're able to get settled in to a house quickly when we get to Las Vegas.  Our adoption specialist says that our profile is getting great exposure and that it will only improve when we get stateside.  I understand that people are hesitant about placing children with military overseas, but it still bums me out.  My mom is convinced it could happen this year because my little sister had a baby about a month ago and we tend to do major things in the same year.  I'm keeping myself cautiously optimistic I guess.  It  would be nice but I can't see it happening right away. 

Anyway, that's all the news for now. I just needed to get some thoughts out before I went a bit bonkers.  Things will come together, I just have to have faith and patience.  2 things I'm usually lacking. :)