The Waiting Game

It's been almost 2 months since we've gone active with our agency.  So far, nothing has changed.  We are still going about our daily lives and planning for the future.  On the 26th of this month we're going to London for about 5 days.  I am very excited about this trip.  We hope to meet up with some friends that live over in England for at least a day and that should prove to be very entertaining. Other trips we have sort of planned is a long weekend snowboard trip for the Hubs.  Basically, that means he'll get to be on the mountain all day for a few days whilst I get to relax in a nice hotel room and possibly avail myself of the local shopping establishments.  :-) Nothing has been set in stone with that one but I'm really looking forward to it because when we go on our trips we never just get to relax and have a down day. My parents are coming out in April and that's something I'm really looking forward to. We have some ideas in mind about taking a trip down the coast starting in Amsterdam and I think it sounds like loads of fun.

So, for right now we're just going about our daily lives.  Some days I do wish the phone would ring but I know that it's going to take some time.  I've learned to be quite patient during this whole process so now I just have to keep up the good work.  There really is no news other than that but I did want to check in and let people know that we're still alive and that things are going well.  I hope you all have a Happy Holiday season!!

We Are Active!

I'm very excited to announce we are now officially active with our adoption agency.  It has taken us 5 months and many sheets of paper, lots of time, and even more sleepless nights to get us here but we finally made it over one giant hurdle.  I wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support and kind words, they have meant so much to us!

If you want to look at our profile, you can click here and it will take you directly to our page.  I do want to ask if you know someone who is thinking about adoption as an option for them, direct them to our agency. You don't have to mention us, but I know that our agency will make anyone wanting to create an adoption plan welcome and supported and will do everything they can to make the process as easy as possible.  They have been extremely helpful and profession and I'm glad we've chosen them for this experience.

Almost there!

Last Friday we sent off our notarized Activation Agreement and the activation fee to the agency!! Huge, huge step in the process.  This means that, once the agency receives everything, we will be active within 24 hours and our profile will be shown to perspective birth parents.  We are done with paperwork, emails, and everything else for a while.  Now comes the waiting part, which I am horrible at.  But the holidays are coming up so that means I will be busy cooking, baking and planning Christmas.  I'm guessing that should keep me occupied for a few months.  I told myself I wouldn't start getting antsy or concerned until at least June and I want to make that a true statement! My parents are coming over for my birthday next year and then my best friend will be over in May so I'll have a lot to look forward to and many plans to make.

Thank you for all the support and kind words that have come our way.   It means so much knowing that we have an awesome support group with all of our friends and family.  We are so incredibly excited for whatever the future holds! 

Quick Update

Ok party peoples, here's the current low down on our adoption progress. As of now all we are waiting on is a media specialist at the adoption agency to finish putting together our family profile. That's it.  Our home study is complete and has been reviewed by the agency.  The video profile has been done and turned in to be created.  All of the paperwork, questionnaire's and mindless other annoying but necessary tasks have been completed.  Within the next few weeks we should be Active with our agency!

I've had a lot of questions about this, mostly from people I work with, but I'll explain the whole process of being active here so that people get an idea of what we're talking about.  When we signed on with our agency we had to fill out a questionnaire about our basic family life (religion, school background, jobs, etc) along with answering questions about what type of race we are willing to adopt, substance use by the mother and her medical history.  Now, when a woman is considering adoption and she makes an adoption plan with our agency she fills out a similar questionnaire.  She'll select things like, "Wants a Christian family" or she only wants to be shown families who currently don't have children or things of that nature. Basically, we both put down what we're looking for and based on our answers, if they are compatible, the adoption agency will show our profile to the perspective birth mother.  If she likes us, we'll schedule a meeting.  Or if she flat out chooses us, then we'll get notified by the agency and will be given all of the pertinent info and are asked if we accept.  It's very much like a match making service bringing two people together.  I think it's a very wonderful way of ensuring both sides are happy with the decision and it gives us both a chance to hopefully be as informed about each other as possible.

With all that being said, we are only weeks away from our profile being shown to perspective parents.  We could be getting a phone call soon after we are active, or it may come several months down the line.  But the point is that we are infinitely more closer to achieving our  goal of becoming parents.  I have started to make a list of what I want to have ready to go when we do get the call. I want to have a bag all packed for the baby that includes at least clothes that have been washed, diapers wipes and bottles.  This weekend I want to go look at baby furniture to get that all set and ready to go.

Other than that, we're just trucking along.  I'll post again when we're active and with any other updates. :)

Love,
Sammee

Family Profile

So as a quick update we are very close to getting our family profile completed.  All we have to do is the video profile portion this week before we send back the video camera and then as long as the media specialists don't need anything else, we're done submitting stuff.  Once the profile is put together and approved by us then we'll be able to active our profile and we'll be shown to potential birth families. I can't believe it's finally coming together.  It seems so surreal that I'm actual close to acheiving my goal.  When I was visiting my in-laws this weekend we went to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast and I found a little boys sock monkey outfit that was so adorable I just had to buy it.  The cool thing is that it can be used for either boy or girl so it will work no matter what we get :). My mother-in-law said she can't wait to have a grand baby to spoil so I'm glad we're finally able to tell, it won't be much longer until we're just waiting on a phone call.  My best friend thinks we'll be matched by Christmas but that's too ambitious for me to hope that it will work out that way. 

Other than that, there's no other major news to report. We're visiting my family this month so I'll be using this time to soak in the time with my nephew and my mom and dad and enjoy filming all the glorious stuff that I miss so much. 

An Update

Hello everyone, sorry it's been so long since I updated.  Here's where we're at:

I am submitting the photos for our family profile this week.  Finally!!  I have been procrastinating at this for a long time and now I'm just going to get it done.  Hopefully I chose pictures that put David and me in a good light and will entice someone to seriously consider our family.

We are also about to get our video profile equipment as well.  Once that comes in the mail we'll be able to take the footage for a video that will go on our family's profile online as well as YouTube.  They post it on YouTube so that any woman who is considering adoption but doesn't want to make the commitment to an agency can browse through videos and see if she finds a family she likes.  We're going to make it as spectacular as we can!

Additionally I had to rush and gather a whole bunch of paperwork this evening to send to our adoption agency. That was fun awful.  For some reason I assumed our home study agency would be sending the information for us but apparently that wasn't the case.  Oh well, I got all the documents so it's done and over with.

Other than that everything is good and on track.  Hopefully we'll be all settled and ready to go by next month.  If not, by October.  And then it's just waiting on phone call! :) Wahoo!!

I'll keep you posted as much as possible.

Selfish

I was laying in bed last night reading my book on adoption and the section I was reading was on building healthy adoptive families.  The chapter, and really the whole book for that matter, has been talking about making the child aware from a very early age that they are adopted and to make it an open conversation in the household.  To me, that's fine.  I don't want to keep secrets from the child because that will only hurt our relationship when the truth comes out.  However, all of these things I'm reading keep making it seem as if I should be pushing the subject and making the child's entire identity.  I'm not sure if that's what they intend or if I'm interpreting it wrong but that's how it seems to me.  I want my child to know they were adopted, of course, because it is part of who they are, but I don't want to make it ALL of who they are.  I don't want it to detract from me being their mother and making sure they know they are loved and that Dave and I are their family forever.

I also realized I don't like sharing certain things, and one of them will be my child.  One of the things required by our adoption process is that we have to send at least pictures and letters to the birth mother 1-2 times per year and possibly extending that to include emails, phone calls and visits.  The pictures and letters I'm fine with because I can certainly understand wanting to know your child is happy and loved.  We haven't chosen to do a fully open adoption because we don't want possible unexpected visits.  I guess, to be blunt, we just want to a chance to be parents without having to share.  Maybe I'll feel differently once the adoption occurs and we're actually in the middle of everything, but for now I am just feeling like I want to act like a little kid and say "No!".  People who adopt are forced to make so many concessions to be parents and sometimes it seems so flipping unfair to me.  I'm sincerely hoping that I'll feel differently when it's all said and done, but only time will.  Hopefully I'll remember to update the blog when that happens so you all can know if my feelings changed or not :).

Home Study Recommendation

On Thursday July 5th we had our home visit with our social worker for our Home Study.  He was here for about 3 1/2 hours talking to us about our childhoods, our current situation in life and various other things.  At the end he said that we had his recommendation and could move forward.  This was such a huge relief to us!  My biggest fear was that we wouldn't even make it past that point to start the adoption process.  I know in my heart we will be parents through adoption.  It may take longer than I'm expecting but it will happen eventually.  I feel confident that our adoption agency is going to be able to help us achieve our goals.  But, now that we've gotten the approval needed to be able to move forward I feel much better.

All that's left now is to wait on our FBI background clearances and finish our profile information for the adoption agency.  I'm finding it kind of hard to find the right kind of pictures to submit because David and I tend to not be in the same picture very often.  Usually when we travel it's just the two of us and one or the other of us is behind the camera. 

In other news I've been looking at some baby stuff on ETSY and I found the cutest baby blanket!  It was kind of spendy but I couldn't help myself, I had to order it.   It's red, white and black argyle with a soft "minky" backside in black.  Not exactly sure what "minky" is unless it's a really soft fur-type feeling material.  Anyway it was just too cute to pass up.  I'm figuring I can slowly stock up on some cute gender neutral stuff when I come across them. 

That's basically all that's happening on the adoption front. The next step is finalizing all the paperwork and becoming active with the agency.  I hope I'm able to curb the anxiety and the obsessing some people go through.  It's hard to trust that someone will like you enough to give you their child to raise but I guess I just have to.  I'll try to keep this more updated and people in the loop as much as I can.  There won't be much going on for a while after we go active and are just waiting for a phone call. But we're going to keep on keeping on!!

Love,
Sammee

Selling Ourselves

Today I finally finished all the print information for our family profile.  Not far into the thing I realized in many ways it's a marketing campaign.  We want to be truthful to who we are but at the same time we want to relate to potential birth parents so they are willing to pick us.  Now that it's done I can breath easier that we've checked one more thing off our list.  Now we only have to submit pictures to go with the print version so our agency's media department can put together a stunning profile that best suits our family . . . supposedly.  At least we get a final say in the profile because they will send us a proof before it's ready to go.  Our next step after the pictures is the video profile and then the home study review and then I think we're done with all the agency stuff.

As far as the home study goes, we have our home visit scheduled for the 5th and then it's just compiling the rest of the paperwork they need. Right now we're waiting on our FBI background checks and then I think the last of it is done.  I can't believe we're almost to the point of being ready to go active and be shown to birth parents. 

It still seems surreal that we're actually close to achieving our goal of becoming parents.  But happening it is.  I've finally become excited about buying baby clothes and furniture.  I no longer look at pregnant women with hurt and anger and that makes me feel so much freer than I've felt in a long time.  I think that feeling more than anything has given me the peace of mind knowing that adoption is definitely the right choice for us.  I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be pregnant but that's OK because I want to be a Mommy more and adoption is going to make that happen for me.  I hope I've set realistic goals in our wait time before we're matched so that I don't go crazy.  If we're active with our agency by September I will give us until our anniversary in April before I question our choices in regards to our profile.

So I think, before bed tonight, I'm going to treat myself to looking at cute baby furniture and maybe even indulge in buying some gender neutral clothing items. You know, onsies, bibs and the like.  I feel like I deserve it. :)

Feeling Somewhat Accomplished

Today we got our big adoption questionnaire filled out for the adoption agency.  It goes over things like our budget, race of the child, substance use during the pregnancy and the birth mother's medical background.  There are some really tough choices to make when it comes to stuff like this because it makes you think about some difficult decisions.  I know that if I were having a baby there would be no booze or drugs of any kind unless prescribed by a doctor.  Unfortunately, it's not up to me anymore.  I have to put my hands up and have faith that these decisions I have to make will turn out ok and that David and I are able to handle them if anything comes up. 

Other than that we're on track to finish our home study soon as well.  We've received a few reference letters that were simply amazing (thank you Kristyne and Beth!!) and we're almost ready to set up our home visit with our social worker.  Once that is done and all of our paper work is completed then it will be sent to the adoption agency for review.  And then, once that's done we can activate our profile.  It will be so weird knowing that in a few months our information will be shown to perspective birth mothers.  I'm anxious but very excited at the same time.  I've finally allowed myself to begin looking at baby furniture and clothes.  We won't know the sex of the baby (and we didn't pay the extra money to be gender specific) so I'm having fun looking at all of the cute clothes on Amazon.  I'm focusing more on the furniture aspect of it because at the very least we'll need a bassinet, changing table and car seat/stroller.  Ordering furniture from the BX can take forever so I'm not sure if we'll do that or just buy stuff on Amazon since it will be easier to ship over here.  I'll even peruse Amazon UK because alot of their stuff will ship to Germany and it's cheaper than coming from the states. Some of my co-workers know where all the good baby shops in the area are so I'll have to take a look at them as well.  We do have a Toys R Us in K-town but their baby stuff is really limited unfortunately.  At least it was the last time I went in there anyway.

It feels good to be finally making some progress towards our goal of being parents.  I think both of us are starting to get a little bit excited. Dave is not so happy about all the paperwork that has to be done but oh well, he'll survive :-).

Anyway, I just wanted to keep everyone informed as to where we are at.  Every day we're getting closer and closer and I just can't wait. I'm glad we've made this decision and I'm hoping that soon our family will be complete. 

Love,
Sammee

Getting Close

We are almost done with all of our Home Study paperwork.  We just have to finish our background checks and then our home visit and then I think we're finished.  We have yet to receive some of our reference letters but that's Ok, we still have a little bit of time.  Other than that we're just plugging along.

We've signed up with an agency called American Adoptions and we're in the process of doing all their paperwork as well.  Hopefully by the time the paperwork is done on both sides we'll be ready to go and can go active as soon as it's all done.  Once we're active it means that our profiles are being shown to potential birth parents.  If we're approved by our social worker to adopt outside our race then we are going to be a part of both the Traditional and Agency Assisted programs the agency has to offer. This means our information will be shown to practically every birth mother that comes through the agency which will increase our chance of being selected sooner.  My hope is that we get everything finalized by the fall and will be hearing something by early next year if not sooner.  This may just be a pipe dream, but we'll see.  I think it's a relatively reasonable goal to give myself 5-6 months to wait for a call when the agency lists normal wait time to be matched as lower than that.  I realize that's just an average but I'm still hoping that with us not being selective about race and gender that it means we can be selected sooner.

I'm trying to keep my expectations in check because this stuff rarely ever goes according to my plan. Of course I would want this done as quickly and efficiently as possible but I have to rely on other people to get this done and that just throws everything out the window for me.  For those of you that know me well, when it comes to stuff like this I'm very much a control freak.  If I had the legal power to do this all myself I totally would so that I know it got done right and on my timeline.  Alas, I'm not capable of doing this on my own.  But things are progressing and I just have to keep telling myself that it will get done and it will be ok. 

We've Made A Decision . . .

We have finally selected an agency to go through for our adoption.  They have worked with military members stationed overseas before and they've worked with our specific social worker before which makes me feel good about the whole process.  It's going to be quite expensive, but we knew that to begin with.  Being over here we have few options to do cheap, private adoptions that some states allow.  We're still plugging away at our Home Study packet.  I got really overwhelmed for a while and pulled away from getting things done but now I'm back in the swing of things and am going full tilt.  I hope to have a lot of the stuff completed by the end of this week so I'll be looking forward to crossing it off my list.  Hopefully I haven't screwed us over by waiting too long but we'll see.

We decided to go with an agency because it seemed like the easier option for us at this point.  They handle all the legal arrangements, medical and living expenses for the birth mother and any other fees that may arise.  As mentioned above, they've worked with military members stationed overseas and are aware of our unique situation which helps.  Not to mention we are eligible for a $2,000 reimbursement from the military for adoptions done through a qualified agency, which this one is.  Since we'll most likely have to take out at least a loan of some kind to finance the adoption every little bit counts!

Anyway, I just wanted to keep anyone that follows this blog updated to our situation. I'm hoping to have more information soon regarding the finishing of our paperwork and my renewed vigor to get this thing done.  I've wallowed and now it's time to get out of the mud and get to work. :-)

Paperwork

I knew there would be a lot of paperwork, but sheesh.  Having to fill out a 20+ page survey about your life is daunting to say the least.  Not to mention background checks, police checks, medical updates.  I'm worried we won't pass.  That something will come up saying I'm not good enough.  Maybe every anticipating adopting couple feels this way, how can you not?  Your life is being examined and combed through and it makes one feel exposed and vulnerable.  I don't like that feeling.  Right now it's causing no end of anxiety and my normal attitude of facing this stuff head on is gone. I feel deflated. Am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure before I even begin? Only time will tell I suppose.  For the mean time, I trudge onwards and upwards.  It ain't over 'til I sing.

Home Study - Contact Made

I've contacted the guy that will be doing our home study so that's one step made. Unfortunately he is out of the country until the beginning of April so that means that we'll be waiting that much longer to begin.   I can't get too ahead of myself as I know this whole entire endeavor will be about the hurry up and wait.  At the moment I'm very anxious for the Home Study to be over with because that's our biggest hurdle in my mind.  If we can pass the Home Study I will feel infinitely better about the whole process.

Once we finally can get going with the adoption I'll try to post more and keep everyone informed as much as possible.  Unfortunately there just isn't much going on right now. 

Pampered Chef Fundraiser

 My friend Lura has graciously offered to do a Pampered Chef Fundraiser for our adoption.  At the end of the show she'll donate 20% of her commission to help us bring home our tiny bambino/a.  She's totally awesome!! You can follow the progress of her adoption here if you'd like.

http://www.pamperedchef.biz/lura

When you begin to shop online all you need to do is search by either Samantha or Farley.  All items can be shipped directly to you which I find totally fantastic.  And I must say there is some incredible new stuff that came out this month.  It's a new catalog and they've also introduced lots of new items.  I'm going to be broke by the end of this thing! :)

Anyway, let me know if you have any questions.  

First Post

So this is going to be my adoption blog.  I'm hoping to use it as a way to keep in touch with family and friends throughout the process of the adoption.  Right now we have finally made the first step towards starting the process, we have contacted a person able to do our Home Study.  As soon as he gets back to us, we'll have officially begun the process.  Our goal is that while it is being (hopefully) approved and finalized that we will search for an adoption agency.  I've also contacted a woman here locally that could help us get in touch with pregnant military members/teenagers who are looking to place their baby for adoption.  But one thing at a time.  

Pacing myself and trying not to get overwhelmed will the be the biggest challenge I will have to face.  With the support of my husband, friends and family I hope to be able to remain as level headed as possible and keep my perspective.  I know I can do this!!